In addition to a physical disability, I have a chronic illness called Crohns Disease. Crohns is a bowel disorder that affects my small intestine and I’ve had surgery for it in the past. There are very unpleasant symptoms, as one would expect from any disease that targets bowels, and they can interfere with my daily life quite a bit. My disease has become so severe that I’m on a disability program because of it. One big hurdle that it often throws at me is hospitalization, and I’m facing that right now.
Tomorrow afternoon I will be admitted to the hospital for a few days of IV steroid treatment, away from my kids. My oldest is no stranger to hospitals. I spent a huge chunk of his young life in a hospital bed so he’s used to having to visit me there, and being home away from me. He’s nearly 13 now and I doubt this will bother him at all. But my younger two have no idea what’s coming.
My last hospital trip was when Little was 6 months old. He doesn’t remember it, obviously, and Littlest wasn’t even born yet. Now they are 3 years old and 11 months old, and they’re both going to be greatly affected by my absence. Especially the baby, who is still nursing. I’m planning to pump the entire time that I’m in hospital so that I don’t lose my milk supply, and thankfully the medication is safe to breastfeed with. I want my baby to wean on his own terms and not have it taken from him unwittingly.
I’ve faced this challenge before, and even though I was able to successfully resume nursing Little once I got home, there’s still a chance that my journey with Littlest could end here. I am nervous about the “what ifs.” What if the hospital doesnt have a pump for me to use? Mine’s broken. What if they put me on different medication that I can’t nurse with? What if Littlest refuses me altogether in protest?
My mind is reeling. Then there is the fact that my husband will be alone caring for a toddler and a baby for the first time on his own. He’s a rockstar dad, so I know he will nail it- but I doubt it will be easy. My mom is driving out from a province away to help out next week while my husband is working. If all goes well, I’ll be home by Wednesday.
Parenting with a chronic illness is hard. Hospitals are no fun. Thank you for letting me vent!
At the very least I will have tons of time to work on my blog! There’s exciting stuff planned for next week so that should be a pleasant distraction.